The best revenge is premature balding
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize