bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
