Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize