how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
