Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
