bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
