now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize