Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
