ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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