Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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