90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
