Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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