Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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