so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
