my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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