Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
