I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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