You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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