Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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