Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
