Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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