i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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