thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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