She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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