there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
