Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
