y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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