it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
