i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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