Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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