I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
