my being single is dangerous.
worst night to have a conscience
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think your dad took our porno
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
