We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
