My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
