I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
