so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
