9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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