Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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