OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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