I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
