I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
