in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
