dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
