i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
