508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
