Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
then he tried to convert me to islam
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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