i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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