What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
