She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
