Duck Duck Cougar?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize