I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
