Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
