You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sex in a hospital.. check
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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