talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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