Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
