The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
