dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Redeem this text for a blowjob
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
