I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
