in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
