Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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