I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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