Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
