I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
