my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
