I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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