I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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