I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
