I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
