I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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