I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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