i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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