We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
