Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
