At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
