i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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