My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
