youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
