Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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