Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
