you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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