Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize