I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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