Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
