Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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