oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
