You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
