how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
