i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
