That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
