My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
