I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
