how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
